I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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