Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
