If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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