Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
