Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
