She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
