I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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