Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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