ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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