if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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