watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
