I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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