Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
