my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
