i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
