why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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