My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
