so explain again why im purple
no
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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