I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
