Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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