Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Two words: blizzard sex
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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