When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Semen is not good for contacts.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Randomize
