The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
