my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
