Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
