Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You're earring is so big in my mouth
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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