The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
