I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
