need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
