So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
