At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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