Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
