I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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