I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
