Please, let me fuck your mom
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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