Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
