that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
