It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
