I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can't put those talents on a resume
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sorry about my life...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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