now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i think i just lost a toe
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
