i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm at about main and main street
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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