There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
