If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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