Apparently you make a good broom.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
