So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
