How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
