Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Yo dont text me then not text me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
