barbara walters just said penis...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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