So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
