So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
