I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
