Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
