Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
