I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
