ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
