i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
