We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
