Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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